I have been crocheting little circle lace motifs on the train to work this morning using my own Lacy Coasters pattern. You would assume that I would like how they’re turning out, but you would be wrong. Just as the train was about to pull in at London Waterloo station I realised that I don’t like what I have been making. Something was bothering me about the design and/or the colour and/or the placement of the colour. It’s not the fault of the pattern – hey, it’s my own pattern – it’s because I’m not sticking to the original colour scheme. I’m using two colours instead of the original three and now everything looks different. Me. No. Likey. And what’s the worst thing that can happen when you realise you don’t like what you’ve been crocheting? That you have to wait to fix it.
Reluctantly I had to pack up my things, get off the train and onto the bus that would take me to the office. All the way to the office all I could think about was The Design. I played out scenarios in my head, imagining how I want the lacy motif to look and what I had to change to get it just so. I gave myself a talking to “Geez Natasja. You designed those lacy coaster and they are beautiful, so why mess with something that works?” Sadly I wasn’t even able to convince myself to stick to my pattern. It just had to be changed. Had to.
Then it struck me. Somewhere between Waterloo Bridge and Royal Courts of Justice I knew what I had to do to make me love my circle motif again. I got out my notebook & pen (one always needs a notebook and pen for when inspiration strikes on the bus) and quickly sketched out what was in my head. I was happy that I solved the design problem, yet sad and frustrated that I couldn’t then and there try it out. No, I had to continue my bus journey to get to the office to do PA things whilst my whole being was longing to crochet and play.
Around 11:20 I sneakily got out my tote bag and did a few crochet stitches but got a funny look from one of the other PAs so I had to put back my toys. But I did sketch out a section of a crochet diagram on my notepad. I might not be able to crochet it, but no-one can stop me from drawing it. Amongst the meeting notes and instructions from lawyers scribbled on my notepad, I have left my crochet mark. Oh I love seeing those little symbols that means so much to me and absolutely nothing to anyone else in this law firm.
Eventually the digital clock on my PC monitor showed 12:30. Finally! Lunch! I turn my chair around so that my back is facing everyone who walk past my desk, bend down to rummage in my tote bag and get the three things that bring me a world of joy. My crochet hook, embroidery scissors and cotton yarn. Now I can do what I’ve been thinking of whole morning.
And it was good.
I very quickly undid the two rows that were bothering me and crocheted what I had written down in my little notebook. It certainly looked better but it still wasn’t quite right. Unlike this morning I was able to try out at least two other stitch-and-colour combinations. I could feel myself relax as I immerse myself totally in my crochet. I know people walked past my desk but I was in my crochet bubble where no-one else matters. It just me, my creative imagination, the yarn and my crochet hook. As I crocheted I could see the picture in my head taking shape right there in my hands and my spirits lifted. It really did! I had been frustrated and a bit gloomy all morning, but within 30 minutes of crocheting and being creative, everything changed.
I really do notice that when I’m crocheting and fully concentrating only on that, my mind wanders to its Creative Place where new ideas are formed. When I’m truly “in the moment” it’s almost like meditating and I can connect with my true self. No wonder sitting at the office counting down the minutes until I can pick up my crochet hook and yarn, makes me a bit sad.
It’s not all bad though. God has been good and things have lined up for me that will change my work-crochet balance for the better, but I don’t want to say too much yet. Until then my work desk will look something like this for an hour every day. I’m very grateful for even this extra hour in my day to do some crocheting.
And if anyone should say something about the yarn lying around, I say: Bite me. I’m happy.